Our minds are our most powerful resource.
We have often heard it said: ‘what the mind can conceive we can achieve.’
We also know that the environment a child grows up in makes up 80% of who they will turn out to be as young adults. Physiology and DNA are only responsible for 20% of a young adults’ attitude and behaviour. Adult attitudes and behaviours are driven by the mind, our most powerful resource.
Therefore, your child may look like you in every way however, if he is raised by another family, in another part of the world or even in your city, your child will be ‘programmed’ with the attitudes and behaviours of that family’s culture and values.
When you bring your brand new baby home from the hospital, it is a little like bringing home a brand new computer from Makro. You will have to set up that computer, by installing the programmes you want on the computer. A similar thing happens when you bring a newborn baby home. You will start programming the baby with your attitudes, beliefs, moral and values.
This learning takes place naturally through the things you do and say, also what and who you expose your child to. Day mothers, schools, friends and family will all add to this programming over time.
It is therefore very important that we carefully discern who and what we expose our children to. Whatever they learn consciously, will become deeply embedded in their subconscious. The subconscious mind is the storage cabinet for all learnt behaviour and this storage cabinet can be accessed at any time.
Mental Functioning can be divided into: Conscious functioning which is deliberate and Subconscious functioning, which is automatic. Conscious functioning uses our 5 senses to determine the reality of what is happening. We have control over this and participate in the learning. Sub-conscious functioning is automatic, we don’t control it. What this means is that everything happening around your child, whether it be conversations or experiences, are recorded and stored in the subconscious mind. This is why the subconscious mind can be likened to a filing cabinet, where files can be retrieved at any time. The important thing to remember here is that the files in the subconscious mind’s filing cabinet are retrieved automatically by the brain, it is not a deliberate process. In other words, we have little control over it. Think about a dejavu experience; sometimes something feels familiar, but consciously you don’t remember ever doing or seeing it before. Chances are you had an experience in early childhood that the conscious mind can’t remember, but the subconscious mind is recalling it.
The conscious mind does not have perfect memory, but the subconscious mind has 100% perfect recall.
What does this mean for our children? It is important to expose the children to good and healthy age-appropriate experiences, because this is what they will learn and store in the mind’s filing cabinet. If a child is constantly, harshly ridiculed, he will grow up angry and aggressive. If he is guided gently and with love, he will grow up with kindness and respect.
The study therefore implies:
Garbage into the subconscious mind… Garbage out.
Good into the subconscious mind… Good out.
Therefore coming back to the environment a child is placed in and the fact that it contributes 80% of who he will become as a young adult is very important.
An example is: A child who is constantly being forced to eat his food and ridiculed for not finishing his meal may be told; ‘Finish all your dinner, children are starving out there.’ This child could grow up to have a bad relationship with food. In his sub- conscious filing cabinet, there is a file on eating. As an adult, he may overeat because his subconscious mind is recalling the childhood message of, we don’t waste food. Another example is a child who is constantly labelled as naughty, that child will eventually live up to that label because it’s what has been programmed in his sub– subconscious mind. This is why it is important to choose the language we use with our children. For example, at Cedar Crest we never use the word naughty, we are very aware of not wanting that word to be recorded in their subconscious minds. Instead, we turn it around and say, ‘you are a good boy, good boys don’t bite their friends, let’s say sorry and do this rather…’ The message the child is getting and recording sub-consciously is… I am a good boy and he will live up to that label.
As adults, if we reflect on some of our behaviours today, we will most likely be able to link it back to childhood lessons. This is why it is of utmost importance to ensure that what our children are exposed to, will contribute positively to their ‘ programming’.
It does take a village to raise a child.
By 6 years old your child will have 50% of the attitudes and behaviours that he will operate of as a young adult. By 12 years old they will have 80%.
Children between birth and 6 years old are like sponges and will learn more than they will in the rest of their lives. Good, bad or nasty.
In the words of Haim Ginott: Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.
If we can focus on positive inputs at a young age, we will do a lot to ensure that our children grow up to be emotionally well- adjusted adults. The opposite is an angry, unhappy adult who feels misplaced and negative, thriving on other people’s misery. This adult will have to do a lot of work, to undo negative childhood lessons. We don’t want this for our children.
This is a big topic and there is so much more information available. The takeaway message, for now, is that it is important to expose our children to wholesome experiences and people who will nurture them as you would. To use positive messaging and affirmations. This would be in the best interest of their long term emotional development.
Children learn what they live and then they live what they learnt.