All children thrive on routine and familiarity however, highly sensitive children need an even more predictable routine that is stuck to religiously. Eating, sleeping and playing at the same times each day helps your little one relax.
Often changing the order of the day, is simply too overwhelming and unsettling for a sensitive child.
Often sensitive children cry when being dropped off on a Monday morning, this could be because the routine over the weekend was not as predictable as what the school routine is and what they need to feel secure and in control.
When this happens, we often find that after 15 minutes the child settles down and the day can continue, because they realize that everything is following the pattern they expect. This is why routine and boundaries are especially important to the sensitive child. They need to know what to expect because they don’t like any changes in the routine.
The highly sensitive child
Have you ever wondered why your little one is often in tears over the smallest little thing, that other children may just brush off? You may have a sensitive little one and parenting a highly sensitive child can be daunting and exhausting. Lots and lots of patience is required.
Your highly sensitive child is born with a sensitive nervous system that reacts very quickly to even the smallest situation that may hold no importance to another child. Highly sensitive children are very empathetic towards others, and they always place other’s emotional needs before their own. As a result, they usually take on other’s emotional pain which affects their physical, mental and emotional well-being.
The highly sensitive child can also be negatively affected by sensory stimuli that is too overwhelming, i.e. A strong smell, loud noises, a scary movie, seams of socks or an irritating label in his clothes.
Your highly sensitive toddler or preschooler doesn’t miss a thing! This perceptive little one sees, hears, smells and feels at a different frequency than others. He alerts you to things others may not notice; like an itchy shirt label or a car alarm that won’t shut off, even a tiny stone in his shoe can set off a meltdown.
They cry often, worry about getting into trouble frequently, and require a great deal of reassurance. They also feel every emotion intensely. That means they’re likely to become overexcited, extra angry, and super scared.
Consequently, sensitive children are hesitant to try new things and they struggle to deal with frustration. Their peer interactions may suffer when other children start referring to them as ‘the child who cries a lot’ or ‘the child who gets mad easily.’
It’s natural for parents to become overprotective, frustrated, concerned and even panicked when children behave in this way, understanding the highly sensitive child and knowing how to manage their day, will remove some of the frustration and anxiety for parents.
The highly sensitive child can become overwhelmed by an outing that is too sensory-stimulating and may need some downtime when you get home, to recharge his emotional battery.
Highly sensitive toddlers have difficulty relaxing enough to fall asleep, requiring hours of holding, rocking and bouncing, this may be the only thing that works!
This behaviour overall can be very exhausting for parents, what worked yesterday isn’t going so well today. Highly sensitive toddlers and pre-schoolers often cry and cling a lot, leaving their parents confused, physically drained and often at their wits end by the end of the day.
It’s not all bad news, though, these emotive little ones are usually creative, intelligent and gifted with words. They are highly empathetic and kind people.
How can we make life easier for our highly sensitive little ones?
- All children thrive on familiarity however, highly sensitive kids need an especially predictable routine. Eating, sleeping and playing at the same times each day helps your little one relax. Frequently changing the order of his day is simply too overwhelming for him.
- Give your little one time to warm up to new people or places. Don’t push him to overcome his “shyness” and definitely don’t force him to sit in someone’s lap or greet someone with a hug, unless you want him to have an epic meltdown.
- If you can learn to read his cues and learn what triggers him, you can avoid those triggers, it will ease a lot of stress and worry for both of you.
- Highly sensitive toddlers and pre-schoolers get overstimulated easily, making it hard for them to sleep. Your best bet for a peaceful sleeper is a consistent bedtime, with a relaxing bedtime routine and a sleeping area that is dark, quiet and boring. No mobiles, night lights or lullabies playing all night.
- Discipline is an important element in raising healthy children. Yet, for parents of sensitive children, it’s not uncommon to struggle with properly disciplining them, especially because they feel things more acutely than other children.
- Discipline is however necessary to provide guidelines of acceptable behaviour. Harsh discipline, however, is likely to cause more problems with your sensitive child. As a result, it’s important to find ways to nurture and guide sensitive children who may struggle to thrive in a less than sensitive world.
The following discipline strategies will help you provide the discipline with your sensitive child needs.
- Accept their sensitivity, don’t try and change their temperament i.e. toughen them up. Instead of discouraging the child from feeling his big emotions, rather teach him to deal with his emotions in a socially appropriate manner.
When you get frustrated remind yourself that it is this same sensitivity that makes them kind and usually super compassionate towards others. That is
something to value in your child.
- Provide downtime for your sensitive little one. They are easily overwhelmed by too much activity and sensory input. Large crowds, noisy places or a busy day can be too much for the sensitive child. Do not overextend the child in terms of extracurricular activities. The sensitive child needs downtime to be alone and unwind. A good idea is to create a quiet corner for relaxation, in a quiet corner of the house or classroom. This can be a corner where you have a comfortable bean bag for the child to relax in, have some books available for quiet reading. A good idea is to have a set of headphones in your quiet corner, so the child can listen to some calming, Zen music and shut out the world, while he recharges.
- Although it might be tempting to not bend the rules to avoid upsetting a sensitive child, constant exceptions won’t be helpful in the long run. Avoid overlooking behaviours that you would discipline another child for, simply to maintain peace.
- While it’s important to be flexible, discipline helps teach children how to become responsible adults. If your discipline is too relaxed, they won’t be prepared to deal with the real world. When you skip discipline, you also deny your sensitive child the opportunity to learn and grow by experiencing the consequences of their actions, which is essential to healthy development. So be sure you still discipline your child for breaking the rules. Just try to be gentler in your approach.
- Sensitive children need plenty of encouragement. Praise your child’s efforts, even when they’re not successful. But be sure your praise is earned. Children who are praised no matter what they do, often have lower self-esteem than those who are praised more intentionally. It is especially important to provide praise when your child tells the truth. Highly sensitive children tend to make up stories to get themselves ‘out of trouble’. It is therefore important to praise your child for being honest, even if that honesty doesn’t paint them in the most favourable light.
- Providing rewards can help your sensitive child. They feel bad if they ‘get into trouble’ simply changing the way your phrase something can change their outlook. Instead of saying, “You won’t get dessert unless you eat all your dinner,” say, “If you eat all your dinner you can have dessert!” or ‘you won’t play outside with your friends if you don’t pack away the toys’ say ‘if you pack away the toys, you may play outside with your friends’
- Teaching your child to identify his feelings will help. Give the feelings names and teach him those names. Sensitive children often express their feeling through their behaviour, teaching your child to name his feelings, will help him express how he feels and it will help you, understand what he is feeling.
- Sensitive children need consequences just like every other child. Just because a child cries or feels bad doesn’t mean they should escape other consequences. Make sure you are implementing consequences when your child breaks the rules. Using logical consequences will help your child learn valuable life lessons. Consequences should focus on discipline rather than punishment. Be sure to be gentle when disciplining a sensitive child, you don’t have to use a loud voice for the sensitive child to get the message.
Raising a highly sensitive child may be difficult or even frustrating at times. Parents grapple with what can be bothering the child and look in all different directions, however, going within and not assigning blame can go much further in helping your sensitive child navigate life. Parents and teachers must understand these children and accept them as they are. They are highly intelligent beings with a great sense of humour. They are very intuitive and are great observers. They are also gifted with empathy for others which makes them unique.